Since I just read about someone else’s experiences with their homestay, I thought I’d finally get around to writing some things about mine, so that anyone who’s thinking about applying for homestay can have a range of information available :)
When I signed up for homestay, I said that it didn’t really matter to me what type of family I was placed with, and I honestly thought that I was telling the truth. But even though I’d said that, there was still a certain type of expectation. I thought there would probably be children, whether young or my age. Even if there weren’t children, that there would be two host parents – the words “host family” somehow doesn’t fit a single person. And yet that’s what I ended up with – Komai-san, 66 years old, recently widowed, likes gardening and fishing. Basically, someone with whom I have nothing at all in common.
For the first little while things went well, we both made efforts to adjust. But after a few weeks I started getting really homesick, really busy with uni, and unhappy with my homestay because it wasn’t like I’d been subconsciously expecting it to be. There weren’t any trips to interesting places – and I’m not saying I wanted to be taken all around the country, I would have been happy to go to the local shops together with someone who could tell me what stuff was. Though I’d read a lot of advice saying to interact with the host family as much as possible, there was only so much time I could spend with Komai-san before my head would get too full of Japanese and I’d lose all concentration. I feel like it would be easier if there were more people and I could sometimes just sit back and listen and absorb, rather than being expected to uphold half of the conversation. I also felt like I wasn’t what Komai-san wanted in a host student – she really likes to talk, and my conversation skills in Japanese are rather lacking, particularly in the topics she’s interested in. And felt guilty for spending my time after dinner alone in my room, as we’d been told countless times not to do.
Things built up, and I spent a lot of time thinking about what to do (and writing emo emails to my family). In the end, I decided that I wanted to see about moving out, so went to talk to the homestay coordinator at the CIE. She was absolutely lovely, and talked through all of my issues with me. Somehow she managed to convince me to give it another try before making up my mind. She also rang Komai-san to see how she felt things were going. It turns out that she had been worried since before I arrived that a young person would find her boring and get lonely there, and that she didn’t have any problems with the way things had been going. She also cleared up a couple of points I’d been confused on, such as the fact that I am in fact allowed to come home late at night as long as it’s organised beforehand, and some issues to do with illness. Apparently all Okaasan wants is for me to study plenty, and to have good experiences in Japan. I was literally told to stop thinking so much about how other people might be feeling, and basically given permission to be a bit selfish. It still feels a tad rude sometimes, but I’m trying to follow orders!
Anyway, since then (a bit over a month ago) things have been going smoothly. It may not be the ideal homestay experience where one forms friendships with the family that will last for a long time, but we’re both happy enough. It seems that she’s still thinking of having another student next semester, so I can’t have put her off foreigners forever.
To others who are considering doing homestay, I’d still whole-heartedly recommend it. There’s a good chance you will be placed with a really great family. But if things aren’t going the way you think they should, you should always talk to the homestay coordinators and either try and work something out, or if no solution can be reached there is the option of moving out (either to a different homestay, or to the dorms). You don’t want to spend your time in Japan feeling miserable because of your home situation.
